OTs in the family and our crazy day
My cousin, Carina, and her husband, Eugene, both live in Florida and are both OTs and I would love for them to post comments to this post with any explanation, suggestions, stories from the patients, etc. I just got off the phone with Carina and we were laughing at how entertaining aspies really are. Like yesterday The Elder & The Younger went to the training center with me and I brought some DVDs and The Elder’s L-Max. I let them sit in the back room while me and another director were decorating the center for the Awards Night event last night. It didn’t take long for The Younger to play with the door, open and shut, open and shut, walk out to the front room, pull at the string lights, unscrew the lights on the strings, drop snacks all over the floor – you know the usually 2 year old busy busy stuff. Well I went to check on The Elder and I peeked in the door and he had the DVD player on, playing his Lmax, and walking around in a circle. It was hilarious. When I asked him what he was doing he looked up and said, I’m playing with my Lmax. So adorable.
Well today was a busy day and it was too crazy for me not to capture it in prose. First of all, yesterday afternoon, The Younger inadvertently nailed me in the right eye out of frustration with a toy. It was a pretty close range shot too. I’m so grateful we have the best concealer on earth since I was emceeing our Awards Night last night. Anyhoo, I had a huge headache and my vision in the eye was a little blurry so I thought it might be smart to try to see the eye doctor. When I woke up this morning, my head on the right side felt like I had a second head it felt so big. So I stayed in bed (listening to voicecom so I could keep my eyes shut) until The Hub went to work. Then I got up and checked my schedule for the day and such and as soon as it hit 9am I called the Eye Doctor and they said come right now. So I jumped out my pjs and washed my face, no eye makeup because I knew my eyes would water and headed over. I really didn’t think it would take very long but the doc saw me and decided that he wanted to dilate my eyes (which takes forever because they are so dark) and I had a facial scheduled at my house at 11am. So I’m sitting in the chair in the dark waiting for my eyes to dilate and I text a customer and book a facial and then I get a phone call and I go ahead and answer it. It was our food delivery people who were scheduled to come between 2-6 and they want to know can they come now. Sure why not there’s someone at the house and the COD check was already written and ready and I should be back in time to sign the paperwork since I had an appt at 11am right? Well at 11am I was still at the eye doctor. I’m driving home thinking no one in their right mind would purposely schedule themselves this tight, but I did and I’m not going bonkers – yet. I pull up and the food guys are done and at the end of the driveway with the papers, I sign sign and sign and notice my 11am appt was late as I was so I ran in the house and put eye make up on and with the last stroke of mascara the doorbell rings! It was like MAGIC.
Well her kids and my kids had a hay day play date with The AP and I begin my appt. I went to heat up her face cloth and The Elder comes running in limping and crying. So I run in there and lay him on the couch and elevate his leg and put some ice on it and sat there to cheer him until he calmed down. My customer says, is there anything I can do? (she is sooo sweet) and I said, “yes, your face cloth is in the microwave, you can wipe off your cleanser now.” Ha ha. So The Elder was fine – I think he might be sore later, his knee was a little swollen, maybe from landing on it wrong, didn’t get a straight answer from anyone as to what really happened.
So I finish my appointment and she is gathering her kids, and I’m filing her paperwork and payment when I hear a CRASH! and then The Younger screaming. His chair had fallen backwards from the table (he kicked it) and he was still strapped in his booster seat! So I rush to him and unbuckle him and made sure his neck was ok and then I scooped him up saying it’s ok it’s ok and The AP’s eyes got as big as golf balls and she said no its not. He had busted his head open, and I then make the announcement, OK Shoes and Socks we’re going to the hospital. I don’t even remember my customer leaving! So here I am dilated eyes and all driving to Children’s Hospital having ZERO to eat since last night and the kids hadn’t had lunch yet and it is 12:45pm. So I call The Hub and say “I’m hungry and kids are hungry can you get us some food and meet us at the Emergency Room.” Great introduction to trauma huh?
Anyhoo, we got there, went through triage and came into the waiting room and I took literally 2 bites of food and they called us back (why did I not bring my food with me???). We were there for an hour before they gave him his stitches but thank goodness The Hub works close by because he was able to stay and was able to help another grown man hold our 2 year old down. I couldn’t have done it physically nor emotionally. Of course in the end he gets a popsicle and he’s grinning from ear to ear. I asked him if he liked this place. He said “yeah.” Would you like to come back? “Yeah.” Those popsicles are trickery!
We came home around 3:30pm. I talked to my sister all the way home, then Carina called, then my customer called to check in on The Younger (she is soooo sweet) and then I typed this up and now it’s 6pm. So now I realize I still haven’t eaten much so ta ta!
Back from Dallas
We flew to Dallas last week and the kids did fantastic!!! The plane engines didn’t bother The Elder’s ears like I thought it might but he still put his fingers in his ears. He was afraid of crossing the crack between the plane and the skyway and he wouldn’t descend the stairs. But all in all nothing major. They both were sooooooo excited about flying in an airplane. And The Elder rode the moving sidewalk and loved it. I was surprised but The AP hopped on thinking The Elder would too because that is what The Younger does, but The Elder stopped in fear and The AP pulled/dragged him onto the sidewalk so he didn’t get left behind – thank goodness! That might have been disastrous if we were all stuck on the moving sidewalk and left The Elder standing in fear alone – you know how long those sidewalks are!
The ah-ha moment we found with The Elder this week was with his button hole fear – He wouldn’t even hug The Hub until he took his tux shirt off, and as soon as he did he said, “Daddy I can hug you now!” Then again in the airport on the way home he was complaining of being cold and I didn’t have a blanket so i took off my jacket (kind of a lightweight cotton button up jacket) to warm him up and he wouldn’t accept it so I put it on because it was indeed cold and told The Elder I would just hold him to keep him warm and he wouldn’t let me do that until I took the jacket off. He was willing to freeze (and he was literally shivering) over being near my button holes. HOWEVER he doesn’t seem to mind single buttons. He will play with a book that has a big button and he will button and unbutton it with no problems. And he will wear pants with a button and zipper (haven’t tried a button fly but I don’t think they makes those in 3T) – we will continue to test this.
We got the paper work to fill out for Child Find to get him into a new therapy group and I had just left unchecked the “excessive reactions to changes in routine” because although he would question the change and seemed bothered by it, he never really had full blown out tantrums. Well yesterday I switched the lids on the sippy cups and he about had a cow yelling, “That’s not right! That’s not right!” He refused to drink from it and threw it across the room and when I didn’t react he picked it up again and threw it again and then a third time. Dr A suggested that his recovery time needs to be between 5-10 minutes and if he is agitated longer than that then it is counterproductive and it had been a few minutes already so I gave both sippy cups to The Younger who could care less which lid was on which cup and let The Elder cry in my lap until he calmed down. So I started a conversation with The Younger and he said “Thomas DVD” and The Elder bursted out laughing in a big belly laugh. So recovery was quick especially when Thomas entered the conversation.
Oh and this is what else I found out in Dallas….Ryan gets home sick!!! The 2nd day we were there he would say “back…home…please” with his little lower lip pouting out. It was adorable and heartbreaking at the same time.
The Research for the Day
I had an overwhelming therapeutic need to post this excerpt from the following source about Aspie Adults (about 4/5th down the webpage): http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Asperger_syndrome_and_adults?open
Common issues for partners
An adult’s diagnosis of Asperger syndrome often tends to follow their child’s diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. This ‘double whammy’ can be extremely distressing to the partner who has to cope simultaneously with both diagnoses. Counselling, or joining a support group where they can talk with other people who face the same challenges, can be helpful. Some common issues for partners include:* Feeling overly responsible for their partner.
* Failure to have their own needs met by the relationship.
* Lack of emotional support from family members and friends who don’t fully understand or appreciate the extra strains placed on a relationship by Asperger syndrome.
* A sense of isolation, because the challenges of their relationship are different and not easily understood by others.
* Frustration, since problems in the relationship don’t seem to improve despite great efforts.
* Frequent wondering about whether or not to end the relationship.
* Difficulties in accepting that their partner won’t recover from Asperger syndrome.
* After accepting that their partner’s Asperger syndrome won’t get better, common emotions include guilt, despair and disappointment.
My intention for posting that is not to get sympathy. It was affirmation for me that I’m normal to feel the things they listed and that it is healthy for me to continue talking to people who have experience with AS (or just The Hub and The Elder’s specific issues). I have found an overwhelming support here, as it is more prevalent that we think. I had never even heard of it before summer.
http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Asperger’s_syndrome?OpenDocument
I thought this was a great concise explanation of AS in case you’ve not been able to read all of the links.
All of this is affirmation to me that The Elder is normal (under the umbrella of SI and SPD at least) – that there is nothing seriously wrong with him (or me for that matter). I really began feeling like I was an inadequate parent and that no matter what I did I didn’t have control over my kids. But every person that I have confided in here has been so supportive and given me resources and networking me with other moms who are going thru the same thing and given me exercises to do with The Elder until he starts therapy again in the fall and what to look for and what to work on and what’s important and what isn’t a big deal etc etc. One mom and preschool teacher even suggested the gluten-free diet. Had never heard of it, then googled it and sure enough they are trying it with autistic kids. Well The Elder isn’t autistic, but we thought what the heck let’s try it. We have a seen a huge difference in his ability to focus. Now he still is 4 so his focus ain’t that great! But has definitely becoming more age appropriate.
Other great FREE articles to download are on http://www.superduperinc.com/handouts/handouts_allbynumber.asp
I wanted to link these so family could get an idea of how The Elder has been getting help with in his therapy since January. Check these out: #110, 114, 119, 121, 130, 132, 133, 134
Disclaimer that I haven’t read all of these in its entirety. I just skimmed and then downloaded for me to read later but I thought I would go ahead direct everyone to the links.
Re: #110
We have seen a great improvement. As a matter of fact on Monday, for the first time EVER, he asked me “Why?” I don’t even remember what we were talking about (We were opening his birthday presents) but I was so excited and was praising him. I’m not sure if I ever answered his question though. ha ha. And then today we were putting together some train tracks and I was thinking about the design, and The Elder asked me “What are you looking for?” I was sooo proud of him. His speech lady has been working on this (his WH questions) with him since March (the beginning) and I think he may have finally gotten it!! The true test will be the next time he asks Why but in a different scenario. He’s gotten pretty good with asking Where – I think that was his first one. He’s always said “What are you doing?” but that was from rote memory of me constantly asking him that-tee hee.
Today I was at a baby shower and I started talking to other parents of older kids about some information about kindergarten (because Dr A wants him to go next year versus holding him back a year). Overwhelming response that we should hold him back because boys are more immature. I have heard that and thought that was what we would do. Also have heard that with out a Pre-K class, the kindergarteners are very unprepared. So one brilliant mom said that many parents with bright children will send them to Pre-K to learn the social skills and then send them straight to 1st grade. So I’m going to talk to his dr about this. Anyhoo, I explained to this particular mom that I was afraid to throw him in Kindergarten next year, but his IQ was too high to keep him back which might lead to behaviorial issues. I caught myself saying that he had a learning disability, which in some respects is true – if you can’t listen you can’t learn (see handout #114) . But that got me thinking for those of you who love and adore The Elder and see him as just a normal kid and nothing more – how is it different than an LD, say dyslexia? I have a friend who is dyslexic and I keep forgetting and I keep calling on her to read stuff aloud. But she has learned to cope sooo well that as long as she reads slowly (or has read it before) then it gives her time to rearrange the words. No one would ever know she has an LD, because she appears “normal.” That is how I want people to see The Elder. Yes we are darn proud of his IQ which by no means is normal, but I intend to help provide him with a normal social life and the ability to communicate effectively to the masses.
OK its late. Good night.
