Parenting with Aspergers
I came across this post. I wanted to post an excerpt here. It is good to be aware of this, for me with The Dxd Hub, but also for my blogfriends who have adult spectrum suspects in their lives. (that sounds devious…MUAHAAAA!)
The Asperger’s profile
Your partner may have Asperger’s syndrome if he (or she) has most or all of the following traits. Does he . . .
- Have difficulty interpreting body language and facial expressions?
- Have difficulty understanding jokes, metaphor and sarcasm because he takes everything in a very literal way?
- Struggle to maintain friendships?
- Become withdrawn and seem to be uninterested in others, appearing aloof?
- Have poor social awareness and find it hard to imagine how his behaviour impacts on other people?
- Love routines and get very upset if these are broken?
- Have an intense and all-consuming special interest or hobby?
- Have sensory difficulties? Is he oversensitive to touch or smell or noise or to a particular taste (people with Asperger’s have a very limited diet). In some cases, there can be an undeveloped sense.
Adapted from the National Autistic Society website: www.nas.org.uk
So now I am digesting. And researching, again, and came across this list from a Conference in 2005 given by Dr Tony Attwood:
The Parent with Asperger’s Syndrome
Characteristics
• Knowledge of normal childhood abilities and the parental role.
• Perfectionism.
• Regimentation.
• Anger.
• Abuse.
Child’s Perception
• Lack of affection, understanding and support. (Aloof).
• Criticism not compliments.
• Embarrassment in public.
• Fear of the parent’s mood and not to antagonize.
• Fear of the ‘cold’ touch of affection.
• Disagreements between parents.
• Parent has a monologue on their own problems.
• Intolerance of noise and friendships.
• Egocentric priorities.
• Favoritism.
• Feeling a nuisance.
• Desire to leave home or move inter-state or abroad.
Child’s Reaction
• Seeking affection and approval.
• Hatred.
• Escape using imagination, solitude, alternative family.
• Choice of partner.
Issues
• Recognizing the disorder in a parent.
• Resolving past issues.
• Explaining the person to other family members.
Number one, I wanted to journal on this because I need to be aware of the potential effect having a parent with ASD can have on my own children.
Number two, I wanted my siblings to reflect on how we grew up and the perspective we had of my parents. I have given both parents lots of resources and they have bought books themselves to educated themselves in regards to The Elder and his ASD. I debated on whether or not I should even air this laundry out on my blog, but a few months ago, one of my parents said this to me, “I don’t know….maybe I have Aspergers too.” It was a statement that I haven’t forgotten and have made observations on my many trips home to SC. After reading this article…I wonder myself. Not that it would make a difference now that I’m an adult and not even in the same state as my parents…but it sure would explain some things and would also make some things easier to forgive.
Interesting. Neither Joe and I are on the spectrum but we both have a little OCD traits and depression. Knowledge is power.
Hi Jen!
Thank you for finding my blog article and for the rather long diversion I have had here reading some of your Aspergers experiences. I particularly love the statement from the “grandparents letter” about Aspergers as “normal with a difference”.
It is my mother specifically that has it (undiagnosed) and I am still getting my head around it. So what I have read here helps. Also reading about The Hub and how you feel about him and have loved the Aspergian qualities he has.
It is interesting that from what you wrote about The Hub that I can identify traits in my hubby, and yet can not identify anything from the Aspergers Profile. Not that I am trying to make my Mr Doris into the Aspergers picture, but he does have some wonderful qualities that are most extraordinary. He is so self-measured in his emotions and so under control that (I have just realised at this moment I have put into words something important for me that I need from him!) I wonder how he does it, but on the other hand, he is utterly thoughtful and makes the effort to say hello and goodbye and is affectionate and will sit and talk with me when I request it, but otherwise he is occupied 18 hours a day and so industrious on his special interests.
I come from a point of pain being a child of an Aspergers parent. Not because my mother had Aspergers but because of my mother’s vile behaviour back then, some of which may have been her way of operating because she has Aspergers. Not all adults with Aspergers end up operating like that (The Hub certainly didn’t by the sound of it) and I suppose it is just like any segment of the population and there will always be those who have certain negative behaviours. With intervention and support given to children with Aspergers I hope it can help them adjust to this scary enough world for us neuro-typicals and help them to find their way.
Have fun and enjoy your blog
Thanks Doris for sharing. I’ve awarded you 10 points for making your point!