about Anger: Why?
5 CommentsSo I’m doing a self-guided anger management study. I’m really glad that I picked up the book out of the free bin at McKay’s because I’m not sure I would have paid money (or used credit) for such self-inflicted torture. It is a tough read by nature because who really wants to admit that something makes us angry? That I can be controlled so savagely by an emotion that, in theory, only I, myself, can (and must) control.
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Ephesians 4:26-27
Anger is like the ultimate vulnerability for me. Whereas some people can use that adrenaline to be motivated, like win a game or complete a task to perfection, I, on the other hand have a history of utilizing that extra energy to babble nonsense without end and/or blubber like a wimp, then throw my hands up in defeat. It’s not very productive or flattering. It leaves me feeling embarrassed, out of control, and overwhelmed at the new messes I’ve just created.
I have been surprised at the unlikely places that Anger rears its ugly head in my life. I was really blind to how much I reacted in anger on a daily, sometimes hourly (is minutely a word?), basis. The many faces of Anger eluded me in my general happy-go-lucky, que-sera-sera, God’s-got-my-back mentality. The study is teaching me to recognize these quick-to-fade moments before they get away. (I feel pretty ridiculous when I’m wavering back and forth, “I think that made me mad, but I’m not sure.”) But the most helpful skill I’m trying to master is categorizing both the big and small episodes into one of 3 categories
Anger is defined as an intent to preserve personal worth, essential needs, and basic convictions.
by taking the time to question why I was feeling angry (frustrated/unloved/manipulated/betrayed/jealous/etc) in that instant. I keep asking myself Why? until I come to a conclusion over which I have 100% control. It is a liberating moment. The final solution is not always apparent nor remotely related to the problem at hand. Sometimes it is simply admitting that the only control I have in the situation is to forgive myself and forget it.
Now the ease of that process comes under the assumption that I’ve had enough sleep, food, the planets are all aligned, and no one is in my personal space. In the more common doozy situations, when I am unable to maintain a clear head, I have scripted a “life boat” prayer to say when I’m just too upset to contemplate the right thing or have already overstepped my boundaries.
Lord, please provide me with a positive and productive distraction right now. Amen.
I’m only on Tenet #4 of thirteen so I hope I’m not digging myself into a neighboring hole with that one. Tossing Why? among the diverse and abundant selection of controversy in my life has led me to face some uncomfortable truths – including that my problem solving skills (which I have previously held in high esteem) have been abducted and secretly replaced by very savvy and creative skills of distraction and avoidance. Hmmm, I wonder why…
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Agree, I have that weakness too! but I don’t feed it as much and I look at it as a problem thus need to work at a solution. Avoidance, distraction, sidetracking is OK for the time being, reminds me of driving to the mountain top pausing for a bit to see the view, for a bigger picture and with lenses focus at a certain spot with a hmm…. approach and without really getting in the middle of it! I used to get more affected when it deals with people I love and care about. Acceptance at least for the time being hoping to improve on working at it used to be my approach but now people search for literature,info etc.( just fin. book on Jesus and a little book by Adam Hamilton on Why?) I used to get the knowledge of older people until I got so old I forgot what to ask! A Chinese quote reminds me, “Creating without claiming Doing without taking credit Guiding without interfering This is Primal Virtue” I love you!
Can I steal your life boat prayer for myself? Heck, I might need to steal that book.
Allison Ridenour Fields: Please do and let me know if it works. lol. So far for me, it works best when im driving since there is a lot of opportunity for positive and productive distractions!
Bernabe Palomares: Thanks, Dad for your input! I love you, too!
Now that is a good idea!