about Eye Contact: what I learned from my almost 7-year-old
The Younger discovered an innovative way to get The Elder to make eye contact with him today.
Standing about a foot away from him (and at the top of his lungs I might add), Y was calling his E’s name over and over (and over and over) to get his attention to show him his favorite part of the skit at VBS. When E continued to appear to give the Lego Minifigure more attention than to Y, Y sighed heavily, regrouped, and then persuasively (imagine him dangling a carrot chocolate chip cookie in E’s face) said,
“It has pictures…”
That did it! The Younger had The Elder’s undivided attention after that! Of course, there were no pictures, just a visual component to the communication.
All I know is that I get exhausted saying his name over and over again trying to get his attention (Thank goodness his name is only 2 syllables!). I know he’s listening even if he’s not looking, or even if he’s in a different room or level of the house. I understand that he actually can hear me better if he doesn’t make eye contact. And sometimes he will even respond by saying “I’m listening” before I get to the 10th iteration of his name. An improvement. But who likes sharing something with someone who has his attention split? No matter how skilled he is at processing multiple streams of data with no eye contact, my neurotypical brain has a hard time adjusting to that fact and still needs to see his eyes to feel like I was heard. Whether I’m sharing a heart-warming story or if I’m asking a question or if I’m announcing what day it is. It’s a validation. Some days I forego it. Other days I remind myself that I’m not the only one who needs a little validation – he will encounter many who will appreciate his eye contact. I’m actually impressed at the level of patience The Younger exhibited (a rarity) to come up with such a creative strategy (creativity comes very naturally to him).
That leads me to some points to ponder about The Elder’s perspective. So just saying you’re trying to “show him something” doesn’t work – maybe too general or vague?? Perhaps “It has pictures” with the corresponding persuasive come-and-get-it intonation (maybe… then again, maybe not. I bet monotone would get his attention faster) generates enough interest and curiosity for him to actually look to see. Any other thoughts? How do you handle lack of eye contact? Better yet, if you struggle with eye contact, what other insights can you offer?
Well, I’m totally stealing The Younger’s strategy. Thank you, Son!
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Really awesome! Great points, Jen!
What a sensitive, intuitive kid you have in “Younger.” I’ve seen that before. We taught a 4-year old in a church preschool class whom we noticed was particularly protective and sensitive to another boy in the class who had autism.
About a year later, that 4-year-old’s older brother was diagnosed with autism. Seems like she was picking up on the cues quicker than all us adults.
Very interesting! Kids never cease to amaze me! I learn so much from them all!