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Inserting Story Here about The Younger

This post refers to my recent post here about The Younger.

You might have to refer back to the timeline just to understand just how overwhelming this month has been. The links within the post here will jump to the anchor to take you straight to what I’m referring to so you don’t have to “hunt” for it.

• August 3, 2008 – The Hub and I return home from a 4-day trip to Dallas to come home to a very tired, very frustrated The AP. And it wasn’t because of The Elder. As a matter of fact he did really well. But The Younger was next to impossible. Remember he is our clingy, anxious child who rarely been away from me or The Hub for a long period of time.
• August 4, 2008 – I get two separate call that morning from the County School system. One about The Younger and scheduling his evaluation _{(which we did for the 11th, which corresponded to the “first” day of school for The Elder, but I took it because we have been waiting since early June to get in).} The second call was about The Elder. See recent post here for details on the beginning of one wing of the terrible mess.
• August 5, 2008 – Nothing personal this day other than missing my monthly Christian Business Network luncheon. I hate that because I only get to see those folks once a month. I was also getting ready for a Family Pool Party that I forgot about that got canceled _{(I found out about an hour before the start time)} due to some very devastating news about a friend of mine. I don’t know the details and it wouldn’t be appropriate to post it anyhow, but it was definitely depressing.
• August 6, 2008 – I got to see The Super Doc which was good because I needed to update her on everything. She basically brought to my attention just how much I do and just how much people depend on me for basically everything. I never realized it. I mean I knew I was overwhelmed but I just thought it was the ADHD. Her visual was me wearing a tux jacket with long coattails with a long line of people hang onto them and me struggling to find something to hold onto. I was actually very surprised by that because that was not how I felt at all. After some reflection I emailed her saying that that might be the case but it isn’t linear. It’s like a circle and I am pushing everyone from the back too. So it moving _{(as opposed to stuck)} BUT there was a lot of effort going around _{(no pun intended)} but we were not going anywhere. I think that is where I get overwhelmed. I also know that I get overwhelmed too when something in my life drops out. I stopped blogging _{(my support system)}, I stopped working _{(my income – but I was putting out fires constantly, so I would get distracted, stay up too late, forget to eat, forget to take my meds, and we won’t even talk about exercise)}. But I feel the biggest thing that affects the balance in my life _{(well the merry-go-round)} is when I forget about seeking help from God. I know He is the only reason I have the strength to go ’round and ’round. And when I forget my daily chats, I can feel that sinking feeling, the Calgon-take-me-away feeling. But ever since she pointed that out to me, I started noticing just how much I do do for everyone. Not just my immediate family, and not just the people in my unit, but grown adults who do not need someone who is a decade or more younger than they are! It was insane as my eyes started noticing, and then hearing one lady respond to my saying, “Oh, that’s my job” by saying “You have too many jobs. You can be everywhere at once.” Whoa, that was weird coming from this person. I never really thought that she noticed me and I never really share personal stuff with her. So, The Super Doc told me that I needed to delegate more, which really surprised me. I guess 1) because I always got the feeling that I wasn’t doing enough in our sessions, and 2) I delegate A LOT. I remember one of my director friends asking me about my systems I have in place to allow me to be productive with 2 small kids and everything else. As I was telling her what The Assts do for me, and what The AP does, and what The Hub does, and what The Housekeeper does, she responds with “so what do YOU do?” I was a little offended at first but I also realized that she had a point. So I guess I constantly felt like I was slacking. But what I was actually doing was the CEO of The HigginsTribe, Inc – I govern the Quality Control department, the Procurement department, the HR department, the Operations department, and the Redundancy department of Redundancy. That was why I was so tired of working but never felt like I was physically doing anything. OK that was a lot on the 6th! And I haven’t even gotten to The Younger yet!

So, back on topic. That morning I made a couple of phone calls to some local preschools that I had contacted before for The Younger just to double check the waiting list. I spoke to one place that had an opening. I was happy because it was one of my top choices based on testimonials of others. I asked her a couple of questions. My last question was how the teachers communicate with the parents because that was very important to me just because of past experience with other preschools with The Elder. (_{The only reason that I even mentioned him was because I did not want to have to go through finding out things 2 days later when there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. In some cases, I had to hear things from a teacher that wasn’t even his teacher and I didn’t even hear it from her but from a parent! Ridiculous I know.)} I was very pleased with her answers. VERY pleased. So she stressed again that she couldn’t hold the spot for him with you his application and registration fee. So I went to go pick it up. It was very ideal because The Elder had gymnastics and I could drop him off and then rush over to the preschool with The Younger to kinda ease him into the environment. I grabbed the application which was right outside the office and I hung a little while until the lady I spoke to over the phone was available for me to introduce myself and The Younger. The more I can prep him the better. He still might melt down the first day but the sooner I can prep him the sooner he will recover. Well needless to say, he was extremely timid, super-glued to my thigh, peeking from between my legs _{(which really is embarrassing when I’m wearing a skirt)}. I the lady offered to show me around. Perfect! Let’s introduce him to the room, to the teachers, etc. I was SO excited! He refused to enter the classroom, refused to make eye contact with the teachers. i tried to think of something to distract him and calm down his anxiety. I noticed there was a play kitchen in the corner with a wooden microwave. _{(Recall that the kitchen is what he is earning – I know, it’s been months, but it was harder for them to earn 40 tickets than I thought. I had to think of creative ways for them to get onus tickets and they STILL haven’t gotten to 40!)} and as soon as I was about 3 feet away from him the meltdown began. The lady that was showing me around _{(the Director was not in that day so I think this lady was the assistant or something)} immediately lets me know that he was taking his clothes off. Well I know what that leads to _{(I forgot to post on the whole summer camp incident so I will have to go back and do that one day. I might forget to post but I WON’T forget the story. Grrrr!)}, that leads to yellow floors. So I rush over there, and in my calmest voice possible to minimize the anxiety and prevent a full-out meltdown _{(and to hide my embarrassment)} I tell him, “Remember…we don’t get naked in public. We keep our clothes on because it’s the Law and it also embarrasses people.” Then I quickly pulled his pants up _{(they only got to mid-thigh)} and he was on the floor melting into a puddle like the wicked witch of the west. I picked him up _{(bad me)} and, as I brought him in to the classroom to acclimate him, I apologized to the adults in the room, explaining that these are learned behaviors because he hasn’t ever been in a structure social environment separated from his brother. So the ONLY meltdown he has ever witness looks like this. That also is the reason for the excessive anxiety for this new place. That makes sense doesn’t it? They appeared to agree. So I started pointing out everything in the classroom. The kitchen, the blocks, and Oh! There’s a bathroom! Let’s go see if it has a little Potty like at Summer Camp! It did. And he was tickled. Still clinging onto me though. I went back out in the hallway with the assistant and explained to her that I was going to go ahead and register him but I didn’t have my checkbook, did I need to come right back or would tomorrow be ok? Tomorrow would be fine. So on our way out, we checked out other 3-year-old classroom that he might be placed in. Look! This one has a little potty and microwave too! He then proceeded to check out EVERY SINGLE CLASSROOM for those 2 things.

So I finalized the plans to fill out the paperwork and return them tomorrow. Right before I left she says, If you call ahead of time I’ll let The Director know so you she can be here and you can chat about how to handle his anxiety. She also explained other moms in the past whose child would cry for the first hour or so and she would just stay in the parking lot “on call” and they slowly lengthened the days until she was acclimated. I was SOOOO excited. This was way too good to be true. I couldn’t wait to tell The Hub and The Teacher.

FYI, The Elder had a BAD session in gymnastics. He was actually spitting…sigh…

• August 7, 2008 – See The Elder’s timeline here regarding the Meet and Greet. Because I got news about my friend hearing the next day and I work every Thursday night, I didn’t get a chance to fill out the paperwork to bring it by. There was a lot! It was nice. Very structured. Everything was very detailed and laid out. Even the discipline system on paper and behavior examples of each level of discipline, at what level and extent the parents are contacted, and the classroom rules. I even wrote them rules down and posted them in the kitchen because they were so good! But I didn’t get to fill it out until Saturday.
• August 8, 2008 – Again, see The Elder’s timeline here regarding the Shocking News. There was not much focus on The Younger on this day. I was just in shock, overwhelmed, and confused. I knew that I needed to bring the paperwork by , but just didn’t have time. That just added to the stress. I promised myself that I would not bring work to the courtroom. That was just disrespectful and I was there for her and to support her. Not to be a warm body in the room, or a shoulder to lean on as I’m texting clients, etc. Fortunately they do not allow cell phones so I left it in the car and I was never even tempted. Unfortunately, I missed a LOT of important phone calls, therefore being WAY out of the loop. But fortunately had I received those calls, I would not have been able to be “present” for her. So that’s that.
• August 9-10, 2008 – I’m getting more stressed not being able to call on the weekend to get details. I was able to talk to The Teacher who did confirm that he was going to Kindergarten. Oh by the way, I have to make a correction. After I talked to her last night she explained that it wasn’t really a mistake, but they took each child in his class _{(7 of them)} and evaluated them on a case-by-case basis to decide where to place him. So based on The Elder’s IQ and needing to be stimulated intellectually, they purposefully placed him in Kindergarten even though his IEP says 5 hours a day, 5 days a week of CDC Preschool Classroom. So technically he can still go back to the preschool, but I really want to make Kindergarten work. So in all fairness to the County School System, they intentionally, not inadvertantly, placed him in Kindergarten because they have his best interest in mind. I know that The Teacher has a lot to do with that decision and I am grateful for her. Like I said, she is our angel! She is trying to help my “You didn’t know about the Meet and Greet?” friend get her son transferred. He also has Asperger’s Syndrome and is very intelligent, thus needing stimulation. Unfortunately he is only 4 so they can’t simply bump him up to K Status.
• August 11, 2008 – See The Elder’s timeline here regarding the weirdness of that day of everyone being confused. This is where I put the note for me to insert this post. At this point I still hadn’t called anyone back to get details because The Younger had an appointment at 8:30 with the County School System for his evaluation. So to make sure he got his spot reserved at the Preschool, I sent The AP to the place to drop off the papers and the check and sent a index card of some questions I had and asked to to have them fill it out. Basically, when was the first day of school and when was the first tuition payment due.

He met with The School Psych for his cognitive and speech evaluation _{(I’m not real sure what else they do in there. I got to sit in on The Elder’s initial evaluation, so I’m going by that)}. Meanwhile The Hub and I are in the office filling out the Behavior Scales and the GADS forms. Then we met with The School Psych so informs us that The Younger melted down for an HOUR AND A HALF before they were able to even begin. OMG! I knew he would but I didn’t know it would take him that long to recover. I’m actually surprised that she allowed him to, but i guess that is a part of the evaluation process. Well this was a full.blown.melt.down. Completely naked, semi-circle line of pee, and shoes in unknown places. I was shocked and surprised. Despite all that he came into the office afterward and immediately, unprompted, came to me and said, “Mommy, I’m sorry I peed on the floor.” Um, can you say, empathy? remorse? reciprocity of emotions? This dude is not on the spectrum. And The School Psych was hesitate to make any early predictions. She didn’t say if she believed that he was or that he wasn’t. She said that it took a while to properly diagnose The Elder and so she wanted to wait it out. I truly appreciate that. She had some other scales she wanted The AP to fill out. Even to the extent to make a face-to-face appointment with her with a Spanish-speaking staff person to help translate. Of course The AP speaks Portugese but she can understand Spanish, just not speak it. So it was funny to say that she might need the English translated and the lady could speak to her in Spanish but she would have to reply in English. LOL. Anyhoo, I mentioned to her how excited I was about the preschool he will be starting next month. Pretty much told her everything that I have printed above about it. She was familiar with the school and even said that she has gone to observe some kids there. So I was glad about that too.

So after the evaluation it was time to eat _{(since it took an hour and a half to get started)}. We ate at Panera _{(gluten free salads and The Younger actually likes lettuce)}, and then went home. When I got home, I had a stack of registration papers, a check, my index card with the question unanswered. My first reaction was, did she forget to go? My second reaction was, oh no, they already filled the class! Since I was late getting the paperwork and check to them based on when I said I would be there and I didn’t call or email either to let them know we were still interested. What I didn’t notice was the Child Find Brochure next to the papers. It didn’t faze me because that is where we just came from for The Younger’s evaluation. Child Find is the part of the County School System that handles ages 3-5 for early intervention. But when The AP explained the situation to me, I was LIVID. So this is what happened that morning:

• The AP went there _{(I asked her to get there when they opened at 8:30am)}
• She handed the assistant the papers _{(I put her name on there so she would know who to ask for)}
• The assistant took them and asked her to wait a moment
• Then excused herself to The Director’s office
• Then The Director handed back the papers and check to The AP with the Child Find brochure

Basically, she was telling us, we won’t accept your child’s application until you contact this place to have him evaluated. (They didn’t know that was where we were that morning.) Since they have experience with this agency, they know FULL WELL that it takes forever to get an appointment. The AP said she was so upset and was yelling at her in her mind in Portugese. She asked her Why? and she said that because of his behavior when he visited they believe that he should be evaluated first. Can you believe it? I was so emotional I cried for 3 days. I wanted to call and just share a few harsh words with her. How dare you judge my child. You have never met my child, you have never met me, you have never even spoke to me on the phone. Who would make such a bold assumption based on hearsay? (read: gossip) What kind of director are you that people trust their kids will feel loved here? I was so insulted.

Of course I was in no shape to call her. I would have said something stupid and made things worse. Instead, I sent an email that evening around 5:30pm:

Me: What do you think?
The Hub: I like it.
Me: I think it is very mature of me considering how mad I am right now. Is there anything you can think of that i need to add?
The Hub: No. Nothing mature.

And can you believe, to date, I have not received an acknowledgment that she received the email. I wish I had put a read receipt on it just to satisfy my curiosity. But I do not plan on following up. She does owe us an apology, but that is really between her and God. Bless her heart. I hope she repents so she doesn’t go to Hell.

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