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Youngerese/Elderese of the Week

I actually have pictures and video this time (though not the video I promised a month ago…)

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We love clementines. Not only are they sweet and seedless (for the most part), but they are easy enough to peel that the kids can help themselves. Regular oranges, on the other hand, have a million seeds and are almost impossible to peel. So I just cut them into wedges and pick out the seeds. The first time I did this with The Younger (because the Elder is high maintenance and wants ALL of the skin removed before he will touch it, so he ops for orange juice instead) he would leave a lot of “orange” pulp on the skins. So I showed him how to eat everything but the rind so there is no waste. So this time (the second time) he was so proud of himself for remembering the “rule” (remember he is The Enforcer), and showed me his orange peel.

Y: Look, Mommy. It’s s’pose to be naked. Just like [E] was naked last night.

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Y: Orange starts with what?
Me: O
Y: Good, and octopus starts with what?
Me: O
Y: Correct! You are a genius!

I think HE is the genius. Except it comes out more like “genus.” So I wondered just which particular genus I am…

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The Elder and I went to see Madagascar II (actually we went to see Beverly Hills Chiuahua, but he wouldn’t hear of it since Madagascar II was playing in the same theatre, despite the fact he saw it just last week, and it started 20 minutes before BHC, AND there was no heat in the theatre playing Madagascar II).

Anyhoo, when it was over, we were going to go shop at the Burlington Coat Factory. Well not really, we were going to go play with the toys. That place is so messy and the toys are so well-tested, it’s like a playground. Recalling that the store has locked bathrooms, I urged him to pee before we left the theatre. Which he did.

10 minutes after entering the store he needs to go to the bathroom, of course. Luckily you no longer need a key to pee (I’m a poet and didn’t know it), but they have a buzzer. You know, like the kind they have in secure places like schools, apartment buildings, etc.

For.the.bathroom.

I digress. The Elder finishes up and we continue to “shop.” He did want some Sketchers and I found some really nice ones that were his size at a good price. However we couldn’t find the left shoe. Yeah…it’s THAT kind of store. 10 minutes after the last potty break, he complains that he has to go to the bathroom again.

Me: You just went!
E: (in his best oh-so-loud voice as we weave through the other shoppers) The first time I just had to pee. The second time I have to poo.
Me: Ok, but you don’t have to announce it. (trying not to make eye contact with the other shoppers)

I didn’t have any hand sanitizer with me so I showed him how to use the seat covers.

E: But how will I poo? (I punch out the center) Oooohhh! I didn’t know.

After he was done, he hops off the commode and the liner falls inside just like it’s suppose to.

E: Oh no! My poo is too heavy.
Me: That’s ok. Just flush it.
E: (with much concern) Will it tangle up? And make the water come back out?
Me: No, you’re suppose to flush it.
E: (confident that I misunderstood him) No… I mean inside the tube.
Me: It’s made for that.
E: Oooohhh. I didn’t know.

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It was late in the afternoon last Saturday after I showered so I didn’t want to get all dressed again, but I didn’t want to put on PJs and I wanted to be comfy. So I put on a little sundress (in the middle of winter) just to wear around the house. The Younger comes running in the closet telling me something and he stop dead in his tracks and in mid-sentence said:

Y: You look like a princess.

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The Elder still doesn’t have the total concept of the structure of jokes. But he’s nailed the purpose of jokes because I couldn’t stop laughing.

E: Knock knock .
Y: Who’s there?
E: Why did the chicken cross the kitchen?
because it was scrambled eggs!

Y: Ok, it’s MY turn. Knock knock.
E: Who’s there?
Y: Why did the…..thinking and the seeing Skip)…dog cross the kitchen?(
because it was scrambled eggs!

Yeah…OK.

E: Knock knock.
Y: Who’s there?
E: Banana.
Y: Banana who?
E: Knock knock.
Y: Who’s there?
E: Banana.
Y: Banana who?
E: Knock knock.
Y: Hey, it’s MY turn
E: Banana.
Y: (getting angry and fake crying) IT’S MY TURN!
E: One more. Knock knock.
Y: (through pitiful sobs) Who’s there? (that’s was hilarious)
E: Banana. Ok that’s four times. This is the last time. Knock Knock.
Y: Who’s there?
E: Orange.
Y: Orange who?
E: Why didn’t I say Orange?

Then he started “fake” cracking up at himself. No, I didn’t get it either.

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The Kiddos playing football during the Super Bowl. In case you can’t understand what is going on: The Elder is wearing his “pads” and The Younger is wearing his “helmet” which they each picked out themselves (what imagination). The Elder is keeping up with the “rounds” which I kept explaining to him they are “downs” and that there are only 4 of them. The non-active moments are the Time Outs between plays.

See if you can pick out the moment that The Younger “blows the whistle.” Enjoy.

Y: The game is over.

E: When I get to 20, it’s back to the game. (the play clock?)

E: Dad, you can be the coach. You can blow the whistle.

E: …because when he doesn’t see he doesn’t see where he is going.

Y: The game is over.

Y: Let’s take a break.

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