Find Out What Jen Finds

‘Mommy, if you want to put butter all over the sides of my bread, you may.’

‘You can’t do — AND —. You have to choose.’ Then in same oh-well tone as me, he adds, ‘Ok, then. It’s your choice.’

‘MOM! I washed my hands with soap!’ he announces when leaving the bathroom.

–The Younger (age 4)

Ever notice how your kids start picking up your mannerisms and catch phrases (and rules)?

Because The Elder didn’t converse at age 4, he never really mimicked me. The Younger was a different story. He was carrying on conversations with people (with a valid picture ID) by age 3, as well as the walls.

I am constantly reminded of the differences between the two because of the juxtaposition of their development within the confines of our family. It’s both fascinating and frustrating.

It’s fascinating to see their development and how I can respect each milestone (and each inchstone) they reach with a much greater pride than I think I would’ve had if we hadn’t been ‘blessed with autism.’ It’s interesting to learn what ‘typical’ looks like. The Younger will pretend (on his own without prompting!), voluntarily hug and kiss us and say ‘I love you,’ beg to go outside to run around and play, prompt us for attention or approval, make/draw things for us, and other nice little typical surprises that we didn’t even know existed yet. This played a huge part in early intervention (in my opinion) for The Elder. I am grateful for their birth order and the 2-year distance between their birthdates. ’They’ say that it is common for the emotional and social development of children with an autism spectrum disorder to lag at least 2 years (–They, circa 2000). In the last 2 years The Elder has picked up these ‘habits’ and ’scripts’ from his brother. Today at age 6, he has grown to enjoy many of these habits, like choosing to play outside over a computer game, and pretending. His creative side has really developed since being in the 1st grade. There are still scripts and if-then scenarios that are apparent to me that they are little performances, but to the general public, he is perfectly normal. And I’ll take a hug whenever I can get it!

As for the other side of the coin, I often get thrown for a loop when The Younger has typical emotional responses yet inappropriate corresponding behavior responses. I knew early on that we had to surround him with positive peer models. That way he understood that, when he’s hungry, to say “I’m hungry,” and not to strip naked and pee on the floor. That is definitely not the kind of mimicking that gives me warm fuzzies. Being the little brother who adores his big brother, mimicking is expected and is how he expresses that love (great). He will, overnight, developed the same phobias. Because The Elder acts as if ‘buttons’ are manufactured by The Devil himself, then surely that’s a valid fear, right?

BUT the flipside of the other side of the coin is that The Elder learns unpleasantries from The Younger! The Elder skipped some of those developmental phases of toddlerhood and preschool (every parent’s wish, huh?), like developing a sweet tooth, lying and stealing (often to hide his sweet tooth), calling me ’stupid’ and yelling ‘I hate you’ when I’ve deprived him of something (to satisfy his sweet tooth I’m sure). But he has begun HIS phases at age 6 after observing The Younger. His ‘regressions’ are actually his mimicking of his brother (he never actually did those things in the first place to regress to them).

As an adult, I catch myself mimicking others too, especially those I frequently see or talk with. I guess its just a part of human nature in all stages of life. The hard part is not enduring the Terrible Twos through the Satanic Sixes (and beyond). The hard part is myself being a good role model for them to mimick.