Youngerese/Elderese of the Week
I actually have pictures and video this time (though not the video I promised a month ago…)
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We love clementines. Not only are they sweet and seedless (for the most part), but they are easy enough to peel that the kids can help themselves. Regular oranges, on the other hand, have a million seeds and are almost impossible to peel. So I just cut them into wedges and pick out the seeds. The first time I did this with The Younger (because the Elder is high maintenance and wants ALL of the skin removed before he will touch it, so he ops for orange juice instead) he would leave a lot of “orange” pulp on the skins. So I showed him how to eat everything but the rind so there is no waste. So this time (the second time) he was so proud of himself for remembering the “rule” (remember he is The Enforcer), and showed me his orange peel.
Y: Look, Mommy. It’s s’pose to be naked. Just like [E] was naked last night.
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Y: Orange starts with what?
Me: O
Y: Good, and octopus starts with what?
Me: O
Y: Correct! You are a genius!
I think HE is the genius. Except it comes out more like “genus.” So I wondered just which particular genus I am…
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The Elder and I went to see Madagascar II (actually we went to see Beverly Hills Chiuahua, but he wouldn’t hear of it since Madagascar II was playing in the same theatre, despite the fact he saw it just last week, and it started 20 minutes before BHC, AND there was no heat in the theatre playing Madagascar II).
Anyhoo, when it was over, we were going to go shop at the Burlington Coat Factory. Well not really, we were going to go play with the toys. That place is so messy and the toys are so well-tested, it’s like a playground. Recalling that the store has locked bathrooms, I urged him to pee before we left the theatre. Which he did.
10 minutes after entering the store he needs to go to the bathroom, of course. Luckily you no longer need a key to pee (I’m a poet and didn’t know it), but they have a buzzer. You know, like the kind they have in secure places like schools, apartment buildings, etc.
For.the.bathroom.
I digress. The Elder finishes up and we continue to “shop.” He did want some Sketchers and I found some really nice ones that were his size at a good price. However we couldn’t find the left shoe. Yeah…it’s THAT kind of store. 10 minutes after the last potty break, he complains that he has to go to the bathroom again.
Me: You just went!
E: (in his best oh-so-loud voice as we weave through the other shoppers) The first time I just had to pee. The second time I have to poo.
Me: Ok, but you don’t have to announce it. (trying not to make eye contact with the other shoppers)
I didn’t have any hand sanitizer with me so I showed him how to use the seat covers.
E: But how will I poo? (I punch out the center) Oooohhh! I didn’t know.
After he was done, he hops off the commode and the liner falls inside just like it’s suppose to.
E: Oh no! My poo is too heavy.
Me: That’s ok. Just flush it.
E: (with much concern) Will it tangle up? And make the water come back out?
Me: No, you’re suppose to flush it.
E: (confident that I misunderstood him) No… I mean inside the tube.
Me: It’s made for that.
E: Oooohhh. I didn’t know.
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It was late in the afternoon last Saturday after I showered so I didn’t want to get all dressed again, but I didn’t want to put on PJs and I wanted to be comfy. So I put on a little sundress (in the middle of winter) just to wear around the house. The Younger comes running in the closet telling me something and he stop dead in his tracks and in mid-sentence said:
Y: You look like a princess.
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The Elder still doesn’t have the total concept of the structure of jokes. But he’s nailed the purpose of jokes because I couldn’t stop laughing.
E: Knock knock .
Y: Who’s there?
E: Why did the chicken cross the kitchen?
because it was scrambled eggs!
Y: Ok, it’s MY turn. Knock knock.
E: Who’s there?
Y: Why did the…..thinking and the seeing Skip)…dog cross the kitchen?(
because it was scrambled eggs!
Yeah…OK.
E: Knock knock.
Y: Who’s there?
E: Banana.
Y: Banana who?
E: Knock knock.
Y: Who’s there?
E: Banana.
Y: Banana who?
E: Knock knock.
Y: Hey, it’s MY turn
E: Banana.
Y: (getting angry and fake crying) IT’S MY TURN!
E: One more. Knock knock.
Y: (through pitiful sobs) Who’s there? (that’s was hilarious)
E: Banana. Ok that’s four times. This is the last time. Knock Knock.
Y: Who’s there?
E: Orange.
Y: Orange who?
E: Why didn’t I say Orange?
Then he started “fake” cracking up at himself. No, I didn’t get it either.
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The Kiddos playing football during the Super Bowl. In case you can’t understand what is going on: The Elder is wearing his “pads” and The Younger is wearing his “helmet” which they each picked out themselves (what imagination). The Elder is keeping up with the “rounds” which I kept explaining to him they are “downs” and that there are only 4 of them. The non-active moments are the Time Outs between plays.
See if you can pick out the moment that The Younger “blows the whistle.” Enjoy.
Y: The game is over.
E: When I get to 20, it’s back to the game. (the play clock?)
E: Dad, you can be the coach. You can blow the whistle.
E: …because when he doesn’t see he doesn’t see where he is going.
Y: The game is over.
Y: Let’s take a break.
The Elder’s Most Recent YouTube Fave
Me: What do you need?
The Elder: This one (points to the Firefox address bar). Can you spell YouTube? You-t-t-t-ube?
(They are working on identifying beginning consonants in Kindergarten!)
"Are you kidding me?"
This was the response from my brother after I asked, “Is there a Starbucks in town?”
I wasn’t sure if it was “duh, there are Starbucks everywhere” answer, or if it was “we don’t have anything in our dinky town” answer. It was the latter. We didn’t plan our consumption very well on this trip. We assumed way too much, so our food routine has been off the last 24 hours. Actually our whole routine is but I figured, better to do this on a trip AWAY from home than in our own home. No blender for The Hub’s daily smoothies. Because tax is cheaper in SC (like by 5%!) we decided to wait until we got here to purchase groceries since we get the organic-gluten-free-casein-free-costs-an-arm-and-a-leg brands and every little bit helps. So we had very little food to choose from. We found a KFC during the trip and peeled off the breading to get it as gluten-reduced as possible. (Here’s a picture of The Younger discovering he like
corn-on-the-cob. Was NOT a fun diaper to change later especially since I didn’t think about bringing a sprayer.) We made a box of hash browns for breakfast and noticed in the ingredients that there is wheat flour in it (I guess to keep the potatoes from sticking together). The kids have been super hyper today and I looked at The Hub saying “no more gluten for them.” He laments, “why does gluten turn us into zombies and they go freakin’ crazy?” Well, The Lola (my mom) only knew of one place to go (because we scoped 2 grocery stores in town that had nothing organic, much less gluten-free) and we stocked up on some goods for the kids that they (and we) can handle.
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So we come in yesterday and The Elder goes crazy running around the house. He goes up to The Lola and says in shock and awe, “You got TWO uv em???? One over there and one over there?” I realized he was speaking of TVs. We only have one TV upstairs in our house and we have taken the the cable out of the wall. So they had 2 channels going simultaneously on ABC family watching The Incredibles and USA watching Christmas Vacation so that those in the kitchen were bombarded by clashing noises. This morning, we were serenaded by Spongebob at breakfast. I looked at The Hub and said, we have got to buy some toys to lure these kids away from the tube. So we went out today and got these.
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The Kiddos immediately took ALL (all 832 of them) the throw pillows off the couches and onto the floors. This is acceptable in our house because we have crappy furniture. My parents however have really nice furniture, the kind I’d like to have one day when I grow up. The Lola was hilarious when she decided, “Maybe tomorrow I’ll have to establish some house rules.” I interjected, “Maybe now?”
“Rule #1: Pillows are not toys.”
So The Hub made a sign and taped it onto the oven and printed that for The Elder to read.
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Today was the first time The Younger met his cousins and the first time The Elder noticed them. Collectively, they are ages 2, 4, 6, and 8. Isn’t that cute? (Since there are more of them, I couldn’t called them The Cousin.) Well, The 8yo announces “I have glasses now….Are yours as bendy as mine?” and then later over dinner he looks at me and proclaims, “did you know that animals are connected to sound waves?” So the smarty pants are obviously hand-me-downs, except each kid keeps the smarts before passing it on.
The Elder isn’t that great with names yet until after the 2nd or 3rd meeting so as he was calling after them “Hey, 2 guys….” and then later trying to get The 6yo’s attention, he calls after him, “Hey….the one with the no tooth.” I thought I would die laughing.
The 6yo With No Tooth shares The Younger’s love for bananas. We don’t understand why he put it on his head. I think The Younger has a classic sensory look on his face as that peel gets a little too close to his face. Here you can see The Elder indulging his most recent compulsion, flipping the light switches on and off.
“Rule #2: Light switches are not toys.”
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“We need a napkin.” (uh-oh)
“What happened?”
“He has tomato on his shirt.”
My immediate thought was bloody nose, then worse I thought about the bottle of ketchup on the table. But then I see The 8yo With The Bendy Glasses with a whole Cosco-sized container of cherry tomatoes, feeding them to The Elder.
“Don’t be eating those on the couch!!” (remember, it’s nice furniture.) At least he got the Elder eating tomatoes, um, unless he spit them out and that is why it was on his shirt. The Hub thought ahead while he was in there, and removed the squeeze bottle of potentially projectile ketchup from the table while reciting, the next rule…
“Rule #3: Tomatoes are not toys.”
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Off to deal with totally overstimulated kids…
